Friday, January 31, 2014

What Career Should You Actually Have?

I am a sucker for all things quizzical on Facebook. Today like all days proved I have no life. I had nothing better to do so I took a quiz from buzzfeed, What Career Should You Actually Have? And what do you think I got, DESIGNER! I have taken over 15 career quizzes and I always get something creative. My entire life I have always drawn clothes or doodled on my school notes. No one really knew what I did, so my parents never knew that I wanted to enhance my ability. After high school I listened to what other people had to say and went down the wrong direction, SCIENCE. YIKES!!! Science isn't for everyone and it has helped the world, but I am not a science type thinker. I have always seen the color in life, but when I went down the scientific road and not the creative I saw black and white. After going down a dark tunnel and events happened, I finally feel like a creative career is the best bet for me. I would love to be a designer of clothes and an abstract painter. But I feel like I am not as amazing as my best friend thinks I am. The lack of self-esteem I have is appalling and I wish I actually could see the possibility of myself making clothes, but it is hard once you go down the dark tunnel to find your way out. I feel like I am finally half my way out of the dark tunnel, but I also feel like I have stopped. On the surface I want to keep moving and deep down I want to keep moving. Yet I am stuck in a place where I feel stuck. Hopefully I gain higher self-esteem and a focus to start working on increasing my intellectual capabilities. Here's to me buying a sewing machine and getting closer to my dream. 


P.S. I am watching Elementary and it is an episode on dinosaurs. I feel like a book where 100-400 dinosaurs were lucky and didn't die. Instead of staying the way they were they evolved to look like humans. With there advanced evolution, they were capable of living long. They can only have babies with other evolved dinosaurs. I would read that book or watch that movie. MAKE MY DREAM A REALITY. 

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Hot Topic Makes Dreams Come True

1. Blue Exorcist is one of my favorite animes and having it on a t-shirt is making me giddy.
2. P!ATD is my favorite band at the moment and I WANT THAT T-shirt.
3. Pitch Perfect was amazing, because of Fat Amy aka Fat Patricia
4. Doctor who? Just the Doctor.
5. Grell from the anime The Black Butler


Tuesday, January 28, 2014


A year after the last episode of the last season and I have finally completed Fringe. The main reason I am completing it is Netflix is unpredictable and they tend to take down movie or television shows. It is one of the first SciFi shows to catch my eye and keep it.  I have watched a lot of shows with advance thinking and technology. I've tried Defiance and Continuum, and they did nothing. I do like them, but it got boring after 2 episodes. They get dull and lose the magic they had in the first episode. Fringe was always intrigued me and had me wanting more of Peter and Olivia. 

Peter and Olivia had a way better love story than most. They had to deal with time and an alternate universe, where her alternate got pregnant with his child. Isn't it like he got her pregnant? Well, she got really upset with him. Then a whole bunch of shit happened and Peter was erased from the universe or whatever. He finds his way back and since I am not into science, but I like Scifi's I thought it was cool. She forgot him, but starts to remember him and they fall in love again. Even though she has lived a life without him, she remembers his timeline. In the last season, Peter and Olivia have several obstacles in their way as they try to get rid of the Observers. 

I am a huge Peter and Olivia fan, but I LOVE WALTER BISHOP. He once was a maniacal genius, but had parts of his brain removed and he became a quirky genius. He brings the show comedic relief when things can serious. He never remembers his assistant's name, which is Astrid. He enjoys milkshakes and doing acid. In season 5, he sees the green fairy. I thought they only way to see the green fairy was by drinking absinthe, like in Moulin Rouge. It is a joke people I know better. Walter Bishop is a cautionary tale for scientist thinking they should go beyond what can help the world. 

I know this is off topic, but the actor that plays Agent Broyles seems to only play characters like this one. The characters are in the military and display power. I understand his voice is powerful, but I feel like he can do other things. I shouldn't say these things, because I haven't done any research on the actor to see if he has done anything else. 

I tend to get off topic and ramble. Fringe is a show for people that enjoy Science Fiction. It has great character build-up and you gain an understanding of each character. I miss it as much as I miss Firefly. This is one of the reasons why I can't write a book  it would be very confusing.

I just remembered I was talking about Fringe. I am writing this 40 minutes later. I got caught up watching the last episode, which should have been more than 43 minutes. The last episode is emotional  and I cried like a baby. I don't know if you would watch the show after my god awful rantings of a mad woman, but the ending was amazing. 


P.S. I have seen Serenity 20 times. I probably will watch it later and make the count 21. 

Friday, January 24, 2014

Weird Dream

The dream I had last night was very weird. I am starting to forget it. All I can remember is going to meet my dream daughter for the first time in years. I meet her and we hang out, but the entire time there is this old lady with me. She is very encouraging and sweet towards me. Maybe she is responsible for my well-being. When we are heading back to god knows where, we stop at this very nice train station. You couldn't tell it was impressive until you went upstairs. The main thing I remember is the food court. It was super fancy bakeries and restaurants, but in a food court type display. The old lady I am with is sampling food, so I do as she does. A man recognizes her and tries to hide, but she sees him. She tells him, "I know what you did." The man gets incredibly angry. The old lady grabs my hand and we run. Not before she steals bread and candy. As we leave the train station there is an explosion. Someone shoots a cannon after the explosion and this giant ball the size of a two story house nearly runs us over. We attempt to sneak back into the station, but androids with guns are guarding the entrance. I know they were androids, because they said, "We are android." We attempted to sneak towards the entrance, but we were seen and the androids started shooting at us. We made our way to a park structure and were hiding in some weird thingy that was a slide and we ended up back in the station. Afraid of everyone around us, we hid in a structure in the train station. In my dream the words, "5 years later," appeared. NEVER in my life has this happened. The old lady I was with was now a cyborg and I had a bad ass hairstyle. We were at a train station to meet my daughter.



Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Wasteland Loving

I should be doing hw, but I am madly in love with clothes. The funny thing is I feel like I don't look good in them and that is one of the reasons I haven't put any pictures on the blog. I may not be popular or even seen, but I fear criticism. The way people are harsh to Youtube beauty gurus and comedic tubers scares the hell out of me. I don't take criticism well and it is one of the reasons I went into this hell of a shell. The cracks are small, but the hope is there are cracks. I am trying to engage more and be more out there, but it seems like all I am taking are baby steps. So I write this while sitting in bed, not going outside, and being a slight recluse. I am always getting off topic. The point of this post was to show you these amazing pieces from Wasteland. Hopefully, you love this as much as I do. 


Revolve Issa de'mar

I receive several emails from different retail sites I signed up for. Revolve sent me, what they send everyone else, an email about these awesome bikinis. It has been years since I have put one on. But these are to die for. I would wear one in a second, especially those cutout, high-waisted bikini bottoms. 

You truly in love with these bikini's blogger,


Thursday, January 16, 2014

Sleepless Nights

Since my return from Japan I have been having sleepless nights. The first and second night I slept like a fucking baby. But after that it has been really late nights of me doing absolutely nothing. I have been staying up till 2 o'clock in the morning just watching old and new shows. It has done nothing for my intelligence and I would love to be smarter than I am right now. And with school starting I will like to gain a tremendous amount of focus that I do not have at the moment. Gaining the ability to get off my fat ass would be a plus. Since my sleepless nights are gaining in number I am trying to figure out a way to make them more productive. My paintings are usually just me putting tape on things, but once in a blue moon I create something that doesn't involve tape.Tonight I decided to complete one of my painting projects I started MONTHS ago.  I actually like this one a lot. The first painted I completed on Saturday or Sunday was a total disaster. The image I imagined in my head wasn't transferring to canvas. The second one I completed that night wasn't what I expected it to be, but I had no expectation on how it should look. My thought process was I wanted to create something which reminded me why I painted.  It reminded of how difficult it is too see the good in life when we focus on the bad. Painting is a passion of mine, and one day I hope to makes patterns and clothes that are a reflection of me. 

This is the first painted I tried to complete after a 3,4 month hiatus. It just didn't make me feel good, but I do love the shredded rose petals.

This is the art work that reminded me to look past the darkness and see the color in life.

This is the one I completed today and shall be VERY tired at work in 2 hours. Maybe I won't who knows. I stayed up for two days straight and felt fine until I rested my head on a pillow.


P.S. Hopefully I find a way to sleep at night. I don't want to go crazy.

Clothes Make Me Happy

I love to shop online, but nothing beats perusing the racks at stores. When I am home the racks are pretty far from my bed, but looking at clothes is calming to me. Whenever I get upset or sad I go to one of my favorite online stores and just look at the new arrivals or sales sections. This week one of the horrible emotions hit me, and the store I decided to look at to make myself feel better was Nasty Gal. Here are a few of the pieces I deserve to have in my closet, but most likely won't. Japan tapped me out. 

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Figuring Out Life...

It feels damn good. 

For a couple of years now I have felt horrible of the future and the start of a new year. The future is always blurry and you never know what it holds. The new year, for me, is always filled with empty promises. But this new year has been different. I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and moved past the need to understand the future. I have moved past the need to make empty promises. The present is more important than my thoughts on the future. The present is where you make preparations for the future. I wasn't paying attention to my present life and it ruined me. My mind stayed focus on my past and it shaped how I felt in the last couple of years. I know that I no longer want to let my shortcomings dictate, who I want to become. I will always remember them and see them as a lesson to be better. 

The future and the new year are something I look forward to. It is time for me to be an optimistic realist, which makes no sense. I just want to have a happy approach to the realism of life. 

In the upcoming months I will be graduating from college with my bachelors. I will be sending out cover letters and resumes, if all goes well I will get into a merchandising program. If it doesn't work out I have a back-up plan...NAVY.


Saturday, January 4, 2014

New Arrival #2

Urban Outfitters

Aren't they wonderful?
The only thing that bothers me is I am in Japan and I have spent ALL of my money. Shibuya and Harajuku were the prime spots for shopping and I didn't waste money on souvenirs. I was quite selfish, but I have a chance to make it up to my friends and families. I am going on another trip next year and it will be fabulous.