Today, I found out one of my closest friends contemplated killing their self last night and I could relate. There are people in the world that just know their purpose. They what they are meant to do and I am not one of them. I have no idea where my life is going and it is easy to feel like my existence is nothing. But the moment we start thinking like that our transition into death becomes quite easy. It hurts and it is hard to be happy, but it is possible. If I kept thinking that way I know I wouldn't be here. Our existence does matter to the people in our lives. We impact them with our personalities and how we treat them. It gets difficult to keep the thought in my head and I get terribly sad, but I will not take the "easy" way out. I am going to try and find my place, and prove to myself I deserve to exist. The self is the hardest person to please in my opinion, especially since I became depressed. I just want so much for myself, but I don't know how to make it reality. It all just makes me want to cry and sit in a dark room, however the more I want for myself will never become a reality.
I am an average student and person.
I really don't try hard, so I couldn't honestly say I am smart.
I know really random things like the normal temperature of the human body or the number of bones in the body.
I use words like plethora and coitus.
I am wired differently.
I am brave and I am scared.
I don't know what it is, but I know I am scared all the time.
I am scared to fail so I do not try.
I live my life in autopilot and it irritates the hell out of me.
I am tired of it, yet I do not try.
I DO NOT TRY.
I want to be different, but it doesn't show.
People do not know what I feel.
I am really good at hiding my feelings.
I know so much about myself, yet I do not understand me.
I just found out about this clothing brand known as Aritzia. One of my favorite Youtuber, Oh Hai Claire. She was wearing a beautifully crafted romper from them in her NYFW Vlog Part 1. I am a obvious lover of all things clothes and decided to check if Aritzia had an online shopping site. THEY DO!!!! Here are a few items I fell in love with on their site. I <3 Aritzia!
I think this is the romper she was wearing. IT HAS POCKETS, I LOVE THINGS WITH POCKETS.
Yes! That is all I have to say.
I love anorak jackets and this dark olive color is to die for.
On one of my favorite shows, Lost Girl, they killed off the black guy. THE ONLY BLACK GUY!
THE ONLY BLACK GUY!!!!
You most likely have no idea what I am talking about.
Lost Girl is about a succubus, named Bo, that finds out she is apart of a race known as face. The fae have different powers and looks, and are divided into two sides: the light and the dark. Instead of choosing a side, the succubus chooses "human," whatever that means. She still has to feed on them to survive, if she doesn't she will go on a rampage. The only black guy on the show was her lovers friend, who is a wolf. I should stop calling him the only black guy, his name was Hale. Hale is a siren and throughout the season falls in love with a human. Season 4 Episode 13 is when he dies. I cried like a little baby who just wants to be held. He was my favorite character because he was the funniest and had amazing abs. Maybe he will comeback!?!?! MAYBE?!!?
P.S. Please let him comeback!!!!
Update: They just killed off the human character, Kenzi. WHYYY!?!? She was my second favorite.
Two in one season, these writers are animals.
It has been a long time since I wore overalls. If I remember correctly, it was when I was in sixth grade and the side got caught on the window sill. SOMEONE was trying to smack my butt (private school boys are perverts. LOL). This was at the beginning of the day and EVERYONE was in the classroom. My jumper ripped down to my thigh and everyone saw my panties. I don't think they were cute either. My teacher stapled my jumper so I could get through the day. EMBARRASSING!!!
It is summer in Miami and I want to be comfortable. Summer rarely leaves Miami, Fl, so you get over the heat and welcome summer appropriate clothing. I, also, miss my jumper/overall or whatever people are calling it these days.
Today, I took the plunge to watch, After Earth. I refused to watch it, because M. Night Shyamalan. Time and time again I try to give him chances, and he spits in my face. "Lady In The Water" is the only movie he created that I can watch without cringing. From the start of "After Earth" I started to cringe. He has good ideas, but he doesn't know how to make them work. Case in point is The Last Airbender. When I heard "The Last Airbender" I was incredibly excited. Now you may be thinking what was the problem, THE PROBLEM WAS M.NIGHT! He ruined that beautifully animated television show. Firebenders needing fire to use fire. WHAT!??! NO one needed the justification of that crap.
I am working myself up and I need to calm down.The past is the past and I am just glad they stopped him from trying to create another one. Avatar: The Last Airbender is in my top 20 United States animated television shows. I think my problem with After Earth started with the narration voiced by Jaden Smith. Acting isn't a genetic trait and being the offspring of Will Smith doesn't automatically make you incredible. As a rapper, I think Jaden Smith will be incredible rapper, because his NORMAL voice is smooth and poetic. The weird narration accent he was trying to pull off made him sound unintelligible. I kept watching, because I love Will Smith. He has a long list of incredible movies, such as, Hancock, I Am Legend, Independence Day, Men In Black and SO MUCH MORE. I learned that he cannot carry a movie with his acting abilities, when his son wasn't doing too well.
There is one incredibly nice thing about the movie, the imagery. The scenery of human evacuated Earth was beautiful. The Earth was lush and green, and the animals were thriving.
I just realized I haven't described what the film is about. WELLLLLL, I shall tell you. It is about a father and son being stranded on Earth after crash landing with the crew(they are all dead). There is also an imminent threat from most of the animals on Earth and an individual alien that is blind and senses fear. Scary. The issues between the father and son are displayed through flashbacks. The son has to venture into dangerous territory to get a beacon to send into space to save their lives.The several flashbacks through the movie are informative, but it could have been better. The boy playing a younger version of Kitai looked nothing like the older version. Is M. Night saying all black people look alike? I have an issue with that.
I started watching this movie hoping for the best. Hoping that the critics just had sticks up their bums and were being assholes. The movie has great imagery and the moments where a certain actor isn't talking are good, but it is the talking that defines a movie. He had me in Karate Kid and lost me in After Earth. If he is in another movie I will watch it.
P.S. Is it bad that I always root for the monster? Life doesn't always have happy endings where everyone survives. Maybe I am more of a pessimist than a realist.
Free people would get every dollar I had. Well a small percentage, because I will have to pay bills and save money for trips and clothes from other stores. It is a great place to purchase bohemian chic. I got lazy and decided not to write down what things were. Here are a few pieces I am lusting after.(Click on the pictures to return to the site)