For the past 2 years I have had serious body issues. My weight has fluctuated between 130-155 lbs. At the moment I am 144 and I am hoping to keep losing fat. I don't desire to be skinny, I desire to be toned and healthy. Two years ago I wanted to be as thin as can be and I even resorted to throwing up after I ate. I stopped immediately, because it wasn't the right thing to do to lose weight. Then I resorted to starving myself, which didn't help. I got constant headaches, felt weak and my face broke out. I ended that in three days.
Dealing with depression while having body image problems is very hard on the brain. Instead of working on my body I ended up eating TONS of cookies and ice cream. A carton a day keeps the troubles coming. I ate everything that was bad for me, like tacos, burritos, gyros, freshly baked krispy kreme donuts, cookies, chocolate, mac n' cheese, fried chicken, New York styled pizza, garlic knots, quesadillas, chiclen wings, ice cream (vanilla, chocolate, cookie n' cream, New York super fudge chunk and vanilla swiss almond), chicken fettuccine, burgers french fries, and so much more. I became a "fatty" and it was bad. None of my clothes were fitting. Luckily, I have a mother, father and brother, who told me I was a fatty and should lose weight. I didn't appreciate the way they said it, but it was an eye opener. When I was on birth control I gained weight, and then the anti-depressants and the constant eating added on to it.
Once I moved back home, the eating didn't stop, but it slowed down. I got a job in retail and I started to lose some of the weight slowly, but surely. As of recent, two boys at my job have been giving me some unwanted attention. They constantly call me beautiful. I am not one of those girls to drop my pants for a compliment. I have very low self-esteem and I don't accept compliments, because I would rather feel that way about myself. I want to look in the mirror and feel beautiful. I know I am not gorgeous, but that is how I want to feel when I look at myself. I want to see someone I am proud of and that is what I am working towards, being a better me.